The Queen's Secret

Chapter 40)

into the night.Bai Qingwan was lying on the bed, and when she closed her eyes, she could feel the warm light of the small orange lamp on the bedside table. She didn't know when, she was no longer used to the dark night without light, lying alone in the empty On the big bed, I could hear my own breathing and heartbeat quietly.She always felt that time could take away all the painful experiences that made her feel, and could make her gradually weaken her feelings for him, but after so many years, the loneliness and longing became more and more intense.Since he left, her heart has died.

She often feels that the reason why she came to this world is to meet him and fall in love with him.She doesn't have too much ideal, she doesn't have too much extravagance, she just wants to grow old with him and never leave him for the rest of her life.But he never really loved her.Even, he didn't even want to give her a chance to grow old with him.

But God treats her well, even if she loses everything, at least there is A Yan, who is the blood of her and him, every time she sees Xiao Yan's eyebrows, even if he is losing his temper or willful, she feels that Her Ji Tong is still by her side and never leaves.She admitted that she was biased and gave most of her love to Xiao Yan, but she always unconsciously ignored Xiao Jia's feelings.

But her whole life has been a mistake.

I never thought that there would be a girl as silly as Liao Xuerou, who was very similar to her back then, most of the time she was very docile and pleasant, but she was very stubborn when she was willful.That child, like his second daughter in this world, remembers his preferences and habits clearly, always cares about his own emotions, and always appears when he is lonely, I haven't done anything earth-shattering, but these days.It has slowly melted into her life.

Without that child, everything feels wrong.

On that day, they didn't wait for her to attend the engagement, which made the Chu family lose face.She admitted that she was very angry, especially seeing her son's dark and painful expression, her heart seemed to be bleeding.So she waited for her at the door of the child's house, standing in front of the window sill on the eighth floor, watching Xuerou hugging an unknown man through the window, her anger reached its peak.When she really met her eyes, looking at her flushed cheeks due to drunkenness, she couldn't say a lot of blame words that she had planned, but she only said one sentence to give me an explanation.

She always felt that Xue Rou was in pain, and her intuition told her that the girl had deep difficulties, but she still couldn't control her reason after hearing the five words of cheating A Yan.

"It's all my fault. Huo Yuluo had already fallen asleep soundly. She stood in front of the floor-to-ceiling windows, looking at the street lights below, her eyes were dim and depressed.

She scolded her for being mean, and even slapped her hard.She used a lot of strength, but she was so angry, not just because of Xiaoyan, she never told a lie, she really said that she treats her as a relative, listening to her say such self-willed and depraved words, she is in a trance Suddenly, that kind of anger surged into my heart in an instant.

That child looked like a lake of water in his eyes. He didn't shed tears, and didn't even have red eyes, but the expression on his face was not depression, but despair, and he just looked at her straight.Then, I heard that sentence.

Who is the person I love, who is it?

The moment the door closed, she froze in place.I still remember that when Yu Luo confessed to her, it was a week after his funeral. At that time, Yu Luo also looked at her with that kind of desperate and blazing eyes, and said to her, Zhener, you know that I love you. Who is it, do you know.At that time, she didn't know what same-sex love was. For the first time, she pushed Huo Yuluo away and told her, we are good friends.But it was that push that pushed her to the ends of the earth.

For the persistent and strong love for her husband buried in her heart, she gave up everything, abandoned everything, and was even willing to be an enemy of the whole world.When she saw him for the first time, she knew that this man would be her husband and the only true love in her life.It's just a trick of good fortune, but the only man who can tug at her heartstrings already has his own heart.Many times she would always think, what is the reason for her trying so hard to get him.From when he was born to when he died, he never truly loved her for a moment in his life, even so, she still loved him with all her heart.

But after so many years, she can no longer tell whether what she harbors in her heart is love or unwillingness for Chu Jitong.

That child obviously likes her just like Yu Luo.

"It's better, I never know..."

At Chu Jitong's funeral, Xiao Yan asked her, Mom, everyone else is crying, but why don't you cry.She, Bai Qingwan, is a person without tears, because tears will only make people sadder and sadder, and it is more difficult to let go of the bad things that have happened.So all along, she has been morbidly forcing herself not to shed tears.

"It's fine if you don't know."

It was still a lonely late night, and she was still soberly grieving, soberly remembering, soberly regretting.In this world, the cruelest word is to push away, but the most involuntary word is also to push away.Push away, not bored, but don't want to lose, don't want to face.Just like she once pushed Huo Yuluo away, like she is now...

She thought she was probably crying.