Clockwork Bride

Page 200

...Is there even a need to ask?

"Of course it's because I fucking want to save people."

Without needing to think too much, the answer naturally came out of Hayden's mouth.

"Even though my parents can't be saved, I still want to save ordinary people like them."

As he uttered the answer himself, Hayden felt his consciousness become clearer.

Because this answer is the origin of his being.

Without this starting point, if Hayden's parents hadn't voluntarily sacrificed themselves during the Great Plague to fund his university education, he wouldn't have met the other people who came after him. Professor Albion, Karen, even Angela… Without the death of his parents, Hayden probably wouldn't have encountered this gradually connecting fortune.

Although Hayden had been stubborn, Professor Albion had actually told him this principle long ago. He just hadn't wanted to admit it before.

Because if we accept this logic, wouldn't that be to say that our parents' deaths were a kind of luck, or even a kind of fate?

But now, in this dark place of death, Hayden felt he had come to understand many things.

So he couldn't die yet; he had to struggle and fight for his life. He still had things he wanted to do. He knew that too many people around the world were living miserable lives, either starving or freezing. Some were dying because they couldn't afford medical treatment; others were evicted from their homes and froze to death because they couldn't pay rent or mortgages. Some had to work every day from the moment they opened their eyes, dragging their exhausted bodies to bed only to be exploited by their bosses again the next day. As for those with no way to advance their careers, they were forced to sell their bodies and lives—there were even more. In this whole world, Hayden hadn't seen many ordinary people living truly happy lives.

Are we all destined to suffer and eke out a miserable existence, or even be unable to survive at all?

Not

Hayden refused to accept these views as reasonable; on the contrary, he believed they had to be changed. All those who suffer deserve happiness; all those who do not wish to die should live. Therefore, Hayden had much to do and a long road ahead.

This was Hayden's unfinished business, and the fate he himself chose.

"This is my own choice, my own karma, my own life! How can I die here?"

224: Past and Future

"This is my origin. Everything began here, and everything should end here. How can I die halfway before achieving it?"

Hayden poured out his will, his unfinished business, into nothingness, which formed the core of his ego.

He will never forget these things, nor can he forget them. It is because of these things that Hayden is who he is today.

His words silenced the enormous creature in the darkness for a moment.

After a moment, the voice continued, but with a hint of mockery in its tone:

So, you really want to become a savior?

That's a really good question.

If Hayden were to hear this question normally, he would probably be speechless for a moment, or he would be more restrained and cautious in saying, "Even if we can't save the world, we should at least save the people we can save right now."

However, for some reason, at this moment, in the void of death, conversing with this behemoth, Hayden felt that all his troubles and pretenses had been seen through.

As the ancients said, only by crossing the abyss of death can one reach the crown of wisdom (keter). The great god Odin, in his quest for supreme wisdom, also hung himself from a tree and pierced himself with a spear. Perhaps they were right; only through death can one truly see oneself.

He's already dead, what wouldn't he dare say?

"Yes."

So now Hayden dares to say anything.

"I long to gain omniscience and omnipotence to help all the people in the world who have suffered like me, and then smash everything I don't like!"

Having sorted out his thoughts and figured out the reasoning, the lingering anxiety that had been nagging at him disappeared, and Hayden's mood suddenly brightened.

If you're going to dream, dream big! Why the hell are you trying to be modest?!

[Young fool, immature prophet, your understanding of "saving the world" is far too shallow.]

The voice complained, but its tone seemed rather cheerful.

[Very well, there are still many opportunities. Only through the trials of hell can one acquire the power to create heaven. The remaining wisdom, you will come to understand on your own.]

……ah?

Hayden paused for a second before understanding the meaning of the voice and realizing that this enormous creature was probably not the embodiment of death and the underworld.

What on earth is talking to him?

Get up. Find your place, use your wisdom to save lives and solve problems.

But the sound had gradually faded into the distance.

Do not be afraid, for I am with you.

The colossal creature had vanished, leaving only faint glimmers of light in the darkness.

The light in the darkness compelled Hayden to lean closer and examine it closely. At first, he couldn't see anything. But as his heart pounded, a spiral staircase leading upwards appeared within the light.

It seemed to be a transparent crystal staircase, leading upwards and outwards, its height and distance immeasurable, endlessly soaring upwards, its width barely wide enough for one person to walk through.

Even a fool would know what to do at this point. With only a few clues, Hayden began to climb. He continued to ascend the crystal spiral staircase.

As he walked, Hayden noticed that his own face was reflected in the crystal staircase.

No, it wasn't just his own face. Beside Hayden's face, deep within the ascending crystal staircase, he saw a smiling face. Upon seeing that smiling face, he couldn't help but stop in his tracks.

That was Hayden's mother, the one who had died in the great plague ten years ago. His mother's image was reflected on the crystal staircase, only younger than he remembered, and she was holding a baby and smiling.

Who is that baby?

Of course, it was Hayden himself.

On the upper steps, other images vaguely appeared. Hayden walked up and this time he saw his father, who had also passed away. In the community on a summer evening, he was teaching Hayden, who was not yet ten years old, to play basketball.

Images of the past appeared one after another on the steps, as if it were a movie of memories specially prepared for Hayden. Hayden's gaze was fixed on the steps, staring at one image after another as he climbed.

These are all things from Hayden's past.

Soon, he began to see himself in college. He saw Adam, and the two of them, who had known each other since their freshman year and hung out together. Of course, Hayden also soon saw Karen in college. Back then, she was particularly unkempt, spending all her time in the alchemy lab, her green hair looking like a bush.

Then came the scene… naturally, how Hayden’s parents had died in the great plague ten years earlier. He didn’t cry again, but simply kept his face tense as he continued climbing the stairs.

Hayden wasn't stupid, so he didn't think his parents' deaths were his fault. The real culprits behind the deaths of his parents and tens of millions of others were not only large pharmaceutical companies and capitalists, but also the society that needed to be changed.

The following footage shows Hayden's seven years as a lone wolf mercenary after graduation. Frankly, Hayden didn't hate those absurd days. He didn't abhor fighting or even killing. Warriors killing each other on the battlefield was fair and reasonable.

Unfortunately, things in this world rarely go as planned. There are many kinds of war. So Hayden always tried to choose jobs that had little moral ambiguity.

Because while killing, he also wanted to save people. Hating evil while also having compassion for ordinary people are not contradictory.

Continuing up the stairs, Hayden finally saw the scene from three years ago. He had drunk too much expensive liquor at Adam's wedding, and after returning home, he had somehow managed to get Angela out of bed.

That night must have been the biggest turning point in his life. The rest of the story begins from that moment.

The Fall of Adam

To know a rebel like Alastor who shares the same goals (although Hayden still doesn't fully agree with Alastor's approach).

Then Hayden and Karen became friends again, became comrades, and fought side by side to improve the world.

Abigail, Momiji, even Panya... Hayden made more and more friends after that, all with different ideas and aspirations, but all dissatisfied with the world.

It truly seems that cause and effect exist in the unseen realm. In the shadows of death, Hayden re-examined his past life and experiences. Some things were indeed too coincidental, as if fate had been pulling the strings.

Perhaps these are indeed fate, but so what? These are still choices he and everyone else made themselves. Fate and choice are perhaps never contradictory.

Hayden had once been penniless, which is why he drifted through life. But now—he had no choice but to survive.

Live on, live on, I must live! I have no time to think about dying!

Step by step, as he gazed upon the scenery above the steps, Hayden felt his previously faltering spirit regain its strength, as if his heart were beating faster. Soon he began to run. Without stopping or hesitating, he ran higher and faster.

The light that illuminated his path was with him, and like a rope, it continually pulled him upward, making the surroundings brighter as Hayden climbed, until the light became more dazzling than the midday sun, even warming Hayden in the void. The darkness of the shadow of death could not stand in the light.

This was true in the past, and it remains true now.

Suddenly, the spiral staircase stopped. Is this the end?

Hayden couldn't see clearly because the light was too dazzling. As the warm light spread throughout his body, Hayden realized that the light was actually a hand, a hand trying to pull him back from nothingness. He knew the feel of that hand better than anyone else.

Without the slightest hesitation, Hayden grabbed that hand.

Then he was pulled up forcefully.

Then he opened his eyes and returned to the swampy world.

He saw Angela placing him on her lap and beginning to sing softly to him:

"Rise, you will rise again."

"What is born must perish."

"Why can't things that have been destroyed be resurrected?"

"I was born into this world to bloom in this way."

"Let the people who live in darkness see a great light; let the people of the land of death and darkness have light to shine upon them."

“Those buried by the earth shall rise again, and the corpses swallowed by the sea shall awaken.”

"The underworld must surrender the souls of the dead. And those whose bodies have turned to dust, rise up and sing!"

"Son of man, rest assured. The eternal light is here—elnarefanala."

Her singing voice was gentle and did not unleash any powerful force.

Hayden remains paralyzed. He is completely powerless, as if his soul and spirit have turned into a lump of mud. But he still hears and understands something in Angela's singing.

While resurrection may be the most profound wisdom in the universe, it does not require any earth-shattering events.

Then Angela finished chanting, bent down, and blew three breaths into Hayden's mouth and nose, as if performing artificial respiration.

To be honest, Hayden was quite startled. But he was unable to move, and given that this was clearly a medical procedure, some kind of magical ritual, there was nothing he could do.

An incredible thing happened as Angela finished blowing the air.

Like redrawing a picture that had been erased, her magic, based on Hayden's body, had in turn repaired his damaged mind and soul.

This should have been impossible. Because the spirit and soul are the essence of life, while the body is merely a physical shell, right? The body should be something that can be easily replaced; how can one use the body to repair the soul?

This situation is completely different from general magical common sense and normal knowledge.

In other words, there must be some hidden secrets in the wisdom of the spirit and the flesh that no one in the world knows.

"This time it's not like the situation with Momiji. You couldn't save Alastor back then either. How could you possibly revive a dead person whose soul was shattered?"

Hayden quickly sat up from Angela's lap and asked what was on his mind.

“Master, I can learn too. Just like I learn about the financial knowledge of this world.”

Angela tilted her head to the side.

“I was able to repair the body using the soul before, and you also resurrected Miss Kureha when you could only grasp the soul. By analogy, I have also studied the technology of this world and thought about how to repair the soul and spirit using only the body.”

"Life is not merely about having a soul, nor is the body something to be discarded. For the Son of Man, since spirit and flesh are two sides of the same coin of life, there is no reason why the things that the soul can do to the body cannot be done in reverse. Besides, Master, we have encountered similar situations several times before. I am simply learning and improving upon those experiences."

That makes sense.

Although she usually keeps a low profile, Angela is actually very good at learning. On her very first day there, she was already creating indescribable and bizarre mechanical devices.

“Master, through your previous accumulation and the elixirs obtained through alchemy, you have indeed acquired an immortal body. Since the body cannot be destroyed, and the spirit and flesh are two sides of the same coin, then by using the physical body as an anchor, you can certainly retrieve the lost soul and spirit.”

Angela gestured as she tried to explain. She wasn't very good at this when she first arrived, but she seemed to be getting more and more used to it lately.

Although it's possible that Hayden is just getting more and more used to listening to her, and although he still didn't quite understand: "How do you get back something that's already gone?"

"Nothing truly disappears."

Angela said calmly,

“Master, your linear concept of time is merely a measure to gauge change; time itself does not change. The past does not disappear, and the present and future exist simultaneously. You simply haven't perceived it… Once something has existed, it will always exist. In fact, haven't you seen tribal shamans in the wild cast similar spells?”

She was probably referring to the strange resurrection spell the demi-humans used to temporarily revive the Great Ape Beast God. Hayden had just reviewed his life records, and the memories were very vivid. The demi-humans' spell couldn't directly restore the souls of the dead, but Hayden now understood Angela's meaning.

A comparison between the past and the present

The correspondence between soul and body

The past exists and will never disappear in the future, just as the correspondence between soul and body is. These are actually very similar things and principles. Even the secret medicine of the Sophia Order and Hayden's magic of reversing time underwater this time used similar techniques.

These things weren't new advantages that Angela had just given him. Hayden had actually collected this knowledge and power long ago, but he hadn't realized it before.

Until now

“I can see that Master has grasped something, but unfortunately now is not the time for verbal discussion. Master, the stillborn child born from the union of the fallen angels has already flown to the sea. Asherah and Miss Hecate are fighting it fiercely.”

As Angela finished speaking, she looked up again at the high sea above. She and Hayden were still at the bottom of the Dead Sea, temporarily far from the main battlefield—though not very far.